and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
