my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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