"it" just moved
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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