Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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