k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
