There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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