What a fucking waste of an outfit
wanna go halves on a baby?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
