I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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