So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
