my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i need some magic done to my vagina
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
