all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
