Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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