"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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