so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
