The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
