i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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