It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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