i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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