Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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