I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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