So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
