I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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