how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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