Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
