guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
