Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She even gives head with a lisp.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
