I puked a lego.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
