I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
