So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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