Just fell off a train. Bad.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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