I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize