I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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