there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
