I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
