At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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