this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
