I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She bit a glass in half.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
