well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
