I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
