I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
