if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
