yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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