you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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