I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
