You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
