Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
