Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
