Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
