don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
