Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
