I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
