I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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