If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They are going to name an STD after you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
