my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
