if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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