Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
