Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
