Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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