so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
