I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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