I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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