Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
