Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
