I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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