You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
