pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
