It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You are the jesus of drinking
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
