Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
