I need to stop coming to work sober
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
