I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
