I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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