My liver just broke up with me...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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