census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
