speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
